When we talk about youth sports, we usually talk about the obvious stuff: talent, training, wins, injuries, maybe a few coaching clichés thrown in for flavor. But there’s something deeper running under every youth athlete’s journey—something way more personal and complex. It’s the dynamic youth sports triangle between the child, the parent, and the coach.
Each side of that athlete triangle can build a future athlete up—or quietly wear them down.
To explore that, I sat down with Dr. Marc Lochbaum, a longtime sports psychology professor from Texas Tech University, who also teaches at Vytautas Magnus University.
This episode of Play of Values is a special one, made in collaboration with the Lithuanian Basketball Federation, and recorded in Lithuanian Basketball Home, in my hometown Kaunas. Here we talk about what really shapes motivation, burnout, and identity in youth athletes.
Because here’s the truth: what happens between kids, their parents, and their coaches isn’t just psychology—it’s the whole game.
Sure, this topic might seem a bit off-course from our usual sports marketing focus—but not really. We talk about sports prospects, hypegenic players, and the making of future stars—and all of that begins right here: at the starting line where a future superstar and a future lifelong fan often stand side by side. And beyond raw talent, this child–parent–coach triangle plays a massive role in shaping who becomes who.
Why Youth Sports Triangle Matters?
We’re living in a time where organized sports for kids have never looked more professional… or more confusing.
On one hand, we’ve got ten-year-olds training like they’re headed to the NBA Combine. On the other, we’ve got kids dropping out of sports by age 13—not because they’re lazy, but because something broke along the way.
Usually, it wasn’t the drills or the game itself. It was the relationship.
Dr. Lochbaum brings decades of research (and classroom honesty) to this topic, and what I loved most is how practical his insights are. This isn’t some abstract ivory tower take on sports. We’re talking about the real stuff: the kid who doesn’t get playing time, the dad who yells from the sideline, the coach who wants to win but doesn’t want to crush spirits. It’s all in here.
And if you’ve ever been on any side of that triangle—whether as a player, a parent, or someone holding the clipboard—you’ll recognize how messy and powerful those dynamics can be.
So, without further ado, let’s dive in to this interview.
Marc Lochbaum
Dr. Marc Lochbaum is a Professor of Sport and Exercise Psychology at Texas Tech University, where he teaches and conducts research in the Department of Kinesiology and Sport Management. He also serves as a chief researcher in the Education Academy at Vytautas Magnus University in Lithuania. Dr. Lochbaum’s academic expertise centers on achievement motivation, self-determination theory, and the psychological aspects of physical activity and sport performance.
Beyond academia, Dr. Lochbaum has extensive practical experience in sports. He played minor league basketball in Wales and participated in summer pro leagues. His coaching career spans youth sports to high school levels, including roles as a junior college assistant coach and performance psychologist for Arizona State University’s women’s basketball team and Texas Tech University’s men’s basketball team.
Throughout his coaching tenure, he has coached well over 1,000 games.
Interview
Part I: Intro
So let’s start with the first question. Just tell us—what is this athlete triangle? Why is it important?
Marc Lochbaum: The athlete triangle or youth sports triangle is all about the interactions that happen continually in youth sport.
Let’s focus on youth sport. It’s about the relationship between the parent and the child, the child and the coach, and then the coach and the parent. That system.
And the importance? Honestly, it comes down to a global issue—physical activity.
Sport is the number one medium, outside of PE class in public schools, where kids globally are active.
We know that 60 minutes of activity a day leads to great short-term results and long-term health benefits across your life.
So, if I have a supportive relationship—regardless of my ability—and I stay active? That’s the win.
That’s the win. That’s the global win.
Because it leads to reduced healthcare costs—especially physical health costs—and, well, there’s also been this rise, especially post-COVID… I don’t know if it’s just that we’re finally paying more attention to it—but we’re seeing a dramatic increase in mental health concerns in youth.
Yeah. And what happens when this triangle breaks down? How can it hurt a young athlete’s development? Maybe you have a few examples?
Marc Lochbaum: So, the biggest concern would be that the child drops out.
Now, look—dropping out isn’t always bad. I might drop out and go cure cancer, right? I mean… there’s only so many things someone can do. It’s hard to track youth through all their paths.
Let’s say I’m on a basketball team. I hit that critical age—around 13—where size really starts to matter. Size and skill. And suddenly, winning seems more important. So, I drop out.
But maybe I drop out because I realize I’m better at music. Or I’m better at math. Or I’d rather be in an orchestra. That’s totally fine. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But—if I drop out because my parent is too pushy? Or because the coach goes too far? That’s different.
Now, I’m not anti-coach. Coaches need to coach. We need rules. We need structure. We need to be coached. But—sometimes it’s just too much.
And when that happens, the child drops out. And then we lose them. We lose the chance for that child to stay physically active.
Sure, they could go join a running club or swimming club. But realistically? Most don’t.
Especially after the age of 13. At that point, it’s unlikely they’ll go pick up a whole new sport.
Part II: Growing Pains
Okay. So as the athlete grows, faces new challenges—how should this triangle evolve to better support them?
Marc Lochbaum: That’s a tough one. Especially in the U.S., but I think it’s probably a global issue.
Parents should let coaches coach. Coaches should let parents parent.
That’s the bottom line.
Now—I’ve been a coach. I’ve been a parent. And I’ve been a parent who coached his own child. It’s hard. It’s really hard to stay in your lane.
But most coaches—most coaches globally—have the best intentions possible. This isn’t about bad coaching. It’s not some global epidemic of bad coaches.
The problem is more often with parents—not yelling at the coach, but yelling at the ref. Or pushing their kid beyond their capability.
You don’t have to push Kevin Durant. He was always good.
You don’t have to push LeBron James. He was always good.
And they wanted to play. They loved it.
But we’re working with the 99.999% who aren’t those guys.
And for those kids—physical activity is still a great use of their time. Even if they never go pro.
Exactly. So what you’re saying is—especially when we’re talking about this—we shouldn’t assume that every child’s goal is to become LeBron James. The goal is just to stay active and let coaches do their job so that the child stays healthy, stays moving, right?
Marc Lochbaum: Yes. Exactly. The number one reason kids play youth sports—according to all the research—is fun.
If you had to choose from a list of reasons, fun and social are always at the top.
There was this big study—a million years ago now—in the state of Michigan. But it’s still good data, because it was based on thousands of kids.
And you know what? Winning and competition didn’t even crack the top ten reasons kids gave for playing sports.
That’s interesting.
Marc Lochbaum: Yeah. It was things like: “my friends are there,” “I enjoy it,” “it’s fun.” That kind of stuff.
But for some reason, we adults act like kids aren’t grounded in reality. Like they don’t know what’s going on. But they do.
Kids do live in reality.
I mean, imagine if Shaquille O’Neal was in your PE class—or Sabonis, right? The dad or the son—doesn’t matter. You’re gonna get crushed.
Kids know that. They’re not delusional. They can tell who’s great and who’s not. They know where they stand.
Part III: The Conflicts in the Youth Sports Triangle
Yeah. So that raises a question for me. If the research showed this years ago—and it was already clear that fun is the number one reason kids play—why do parents change so much when they grow up? Why do they start believing competition and results are more important than fun, even though they once were those same fun-loving kids?
Marc Lochbaum: Yeah. Good question. I think—I’m just hypothesizing here, but I’ve been around this a long time—I think once parents start investing money and time, something shifts.
Suddenly, it’s like, “Okay, I want something more out of this.”
And they might even say, “Yeah, when I was young, I had a great time.”
But when you’re young, you don’t realize the sacrifices your parents were making. That stuff goes right over your head. You never think about it.
Then you become a parent, and suddenly it’s like, “Wait a second… this petrol isn’t free.”
You’re driving everywhere, showing up, paying fees—and of course, you want your kid to succeed. And the problem is, they can’t succeed if they’re just sitting on the bench.
And that creates tension.
Yeah. And that leads into our second question. When conflict happens—when tension rises between the child, parent, or coach—how can everyone communicate better to support the athlete’s growth and avoid breakdowns?
Marc Lochbaum: I think the most important thing—and if I could implement this everywhere, I would—is that the coach has to take responsibility early on to clearly explain what’s going to happen.
Like, “Here’s how it’s going to go.”
Because what usually happens is this: the first practice? It’s fun.
Everyone’s laughing, running around, feeling included.
Then comes the first game.
And all of a sudden—boom—playing time becomes an issue.
Now, maybe it’s a league where playing time is equal. In the U.S., you might have a setup where everyone plays one quarter, sits one, plays another, sits one. I’ve coached in leagues like that.
But eventually, there comes a point where that rule disappears. Coaches aren’t required to rotate equally anymore.
So now you’ve got a situation where practice feels like it’s equal—but in the game, it’s not. And that’s where the tension comes in.
Especially if the team loses.
Because then a parent’s thinking:
“Well, my kid could’ve helped us win.”
Or: “Fine, we lost anyway—why not let everyone lose together?”
That’s where the rub is.
So for me, great organizations put everything on the table up front.
They say: “Here’s how we do playing time. Here’s how we run our team.”
That way, everyone knows. No surprises.
Okay. That’s actually a big conversation right now in Lithuania. We’re trying to figure out which system is better—do we divide playing time equally? Or does that limit kids who have real talent? Like, if your kid isn’t super talented, do you just accept that their role is to support others?
Marc Lochbaum: That’s not off-topic at all.
I’ve coached all the way up—junior college basketball, worked in sports psychology with Texas Tech men’s basketball, Arizona State women’s basketball…
And the biggest change—the worst change, honestly—in American youth sport was the rise of traveling teams.
That started in the late ’80s, and my high school coach said it right:
“The worst thing that ever happened was AAU basketball—or AAU baseball, or whatever version of it you have.”
Because traveling teams require somebody to pay the bill.
And when enough people are paying, the superstar always gets the break.
I think, at first, parents believe they’ll get a fair shot. But eventually, they realize how the system works.
And sure—you can always quit. You don’t have to participate.
But I do think there should be both types of leagues.
Leagues where everyone gets equal playing time.
And leagues where it’s all about competition.
Let people choose.
And what do you think is the right age where that shift can start happening?
Marc Lochbaum: I’d say 13.
By that time, kids start to have other interests, they’re old enough to understand different levels of competition.
Like—my grandson, he’s on a baseball team. He’s six. But it’s an 8-and-under league.
Now, supposedly, the teams are equal—how they’re drafted and everything.
But before I came on this trip, we played the same team again—like, third time. And I turned to my daughter and said, “Wait a second… how were these teams even made?”
Because that other team? They were all eight-year-olds.
There were no six-year-olds out there. They were fast, they were strong. I’m thinking, “We’re never even gonna get a chance to bat!”
Luckily, it was one of those leagues where everyone can only bat once per inning, no matter what. Then the sides switch.
That kind of structure—that needs to stick around for a while, unless talent is really distributed equally.
So now, as we go deeper into this topic—especially thinking about kids who aren’t the most talented, who won’t become stars but still love the sport—how can coaches and parents work together? Not just to build skills, because there’s always a limit to that, but to help the child build resilience, confidence, and real passion for the game? And why is that important, even after they stop playing?
Marc Lochbaum: We actually see an amazing rebound when it comes to adult physical activity.
Even though global youth physical activity stats are terrible, some countries in Europe have up to 50% of adults meeting the physical activity requirements set by the WHO—or whatever organization you want to use.
So, we might go from only 10% of youth being active to 50% of adults walking, jogging, playing in rec leagues—doing stuff.
So the key is keeping kids in the game as long as possible.
If I love basketball, let me stay in it. Don’t cut me.
My real belief is—if I show up, if I’m willing to defend, run the three-man weave, rebound, box out… keep that kid on the team.
Why not? It can’t hurt.
Because otherwise, that kid misses out on years of development—both physically and emotionally—and has to try and figure it out again later in adulthood.
And that’s hard.
Part IV: Transitions and Participation Trophies in Youth Sports
Yeah, exactly. So now let’s move into the part about key transitions. What are the most sensitive moments in a young athlete’s journey—especially as they hit adolescence? And how should the triangle shift during those years?
Marc Lochbaum: So, in American coaching education, everything is built around what we call a “mastery goal orientation.” Or you might hear it as a “challenge mindset.”
The idea is: everyone can improve. Everyone can grow. And we should be focused on personal progress.
But here’s the problem.
In my research, we see that there’s a phase of life where effort and ability feel equal. And that’s exciting. Because you feel like you belong.
But then—comes a moment.
The moment when you realize, “Oh. No matter how hard I try… some people are just better.”
And that’s the critical moment. That’s when things change.
It’s happening earlier now, I think—because of video games. Like, on the Wii, when you lose, the little character kind of droops. My grandsons, when they lose, they act it out. I don’t even know why—they do that thing, like the Mii character.
So maybe they’re learning that lesson earlier. But the emotional hit is the same.
For me, it happened in 7th grade. I was about 12.
My buddy, Thad Stoeger—he’d been carrying me through all our childhood games: Sandlot football, everything.
One day, he asked me to do a race.
He was doing high hurdles—110 meters. I just had to run the flat 100. No hurdles.
I thought, “Easy win.”
But he takes off—and I’m losing by 30 meters.
That’s when it hit me: effort and ability are not the same.
And this whole time, this guy has been carrying me. Keeping me involved, protecting me from getting worked over by the older kids.
That was the moment. That’s when you realize the truth.
And after that, programs need to be about personal improvement. Not about comparing you to the best kid at your school. Because at some point, you just won’t be able to keep up.
Yeah. And it makes me think of another topic. A bit off, maybe, but—participation trophies. Right? Because when I was a kid, if I lost—I lost. That was it. And I understood it, even at six or seven. Now we’re giving out trophies for just showing up.
Marc Lochbaum: I hate them.
Let’s start right there. I hate participation trophies.
Because again, we’re acting like kids aren’t smart. But they know they lost. Whether they get a ribbon or not, they knowwhat happened.
I’ve got grandsons now. They compete in Brazilian jiu-jitsu. They go to real competitions. And if they get choked out—they know.
Sure, they might get a ribbon at the end, but that’s not what they remember. They remember tapping out.
So I think… yeah, I don’t want to offend anyone, but we treat kids like they’re toddlers. Like they don’t get it.
But they do. They know whether they won or lost.
Yeah, exactly. That kind of trophy has a bitter taste.
Marc Lochbaum: Right. I don’t think it’s needed. And honestly, if we stopped doing them tomorrow—I don’t think any kid would miss it.
Part V: Making the Youth Sports Triangle Work and Keeping the Love for the Game
So, for our final section—what’s one piece of advice you’d give to both parents and coaches to make this triangle work?
Marc Lochbaum: Communicate your real expectations.
Don’t hide them. Just say them.
If you’re a parent, say what you’re actually hoping for. Be honest.
Then the coach can respond honestly, too. Like: “Okay, I hear you—but that’s not going to happen.”
So, for example, the coach could say: “Your son isn’t going to be a superstar. If you want him to go another route, that’s up to you.”
Marc Lochbaum: Yeah, or even just: “This is how playing time is going to be distributed.”
If it’s not a league where everyone plays the same number of minutes—then say that.
That’s probably the most important thing. Because if that’s not clear, the first game becomes confusing. Even moreconfusing if the team loses and your kid didn’t play.
Yeah. And now for the final question—if we’re thinking ahead: for the basketball community, in Lithuania or globally, what’s the one thing we need to do in youth sports to help kids stay in love with the game? Even if they’re losing, even if they’re not getting better—how do we keep that love alive?
Because what I’m seeing more and more now is that kids aren’t getting into basketball for the game. They’re getting into it because they see the lifestyle. Not the sport. It’s not about “I want to win.” It’s “I want what the NBA gives you.” The clothes, the image, the lifestyle.
And I think, right now, if you look at the NBA—honestly, the U.S. doesn’t even have the best players anymore. The last five, six MVPs were Europeans. You watch Anthony Edwards or players like that—they’re about the lifestyle. They do their job, then go home. But guys from Europe? They still seem to love the game. And even with LeBron, Kevin Durant—you still feel that old-school love for basketball.
So how do we reignite that love in today’s environment?
Marc Lochbaum: Yeah. I think… honestly, some kids are more enamored with the rapper lifestyle than the basketball lifestyle.
Not that it’s a bad dream—but it’s even more unrealistic.
I always use this example: there’s only one Eminem. That’s it.
One white guy who rose like that. I can’t think of anyone else who’s done it the same way.
So that’s the worst dream to chase.
Now basketball—yeah, I do think kids still love the game. I really do.
We can’t speak for everyone, of course. But I think there’s still love there.
The problem is, the media doesn’t show that part anymore. They show the lifestyle. The glamor. The cars.
But if you rolled out a ball right now, Anthony Edwards is going to ball. Luka’s going to ball. Jokič? He’s going to ball.
They love to play. That’s what we need to show kids more of.
If kids saw that part—saw what happens when the ball hits the court—they’d be inspired for the right reasons.
Because if I love the game, then I go out and play. I ball. I grow.
But right now, we don’t see that. We see the cars. The money.
And yeah—when your base salary is 51 million dollars? That’s pretty enticing.
Exactly. That’s a different world.
Marc Lochbaum: It really is.
Okay. Thank you so much for doing this—for covering this topic. Really appreciate it.
Marc Lochbaum: You’re welcome.
Youth Sports Triangle: How to Keep Kids Playing and Loving the Game. Interview with Marc Lochbaum.
So, a special thank you goes out to Dr. Marc Lochbaum for taking the time to have this conversation, to the Lithuanian Basketball Federation for supporting and helping me record my first live interviews, and to Vytautas Magnus University, which continues to give me the platform to do this kind of work.
I hope you enjoyed the episode and found something valuable to take away. If you did—consider subscribing to the newsletter so you don’t miss what’s next.
CITATION
Bakanauskas, P., & Lochbaum, M. (2025, May 6). Youth Sports Triangle: How to Keep Kids’ Love for the Game. Interview with Marc Lochbaum. – Play of Values. Play of Values. https://playofvalues.com/youth-sports-triangle/
IN-TEXT CITATION: (Bakanauskas & Lochbaum, 2025)
Questions related to Youth Sports Triangle
What is the athlete triangle?
The athlete triangle refers to the relationship between the child, parent, and coach in youth sports. Each connection affects the athlete’s motivation, development, and well-being.
What is the biggest problem in youth sports?
The biggest problem is kids dropping out due to pressure from parents or coaches. When the triangle breaks, long-term participation often ends.
What sport is most played by youth?
Globally, team sports like football (soccer) and basketball are among the most played, especially outside of school PE classes. These are key channels for keeping kids physically active.
What age is a youth athlete?
A youth athlete typically ranges from ages 6 to 18. The most sensitive psychological transitions often occur around age 12–13.
What is the triangle theory in sports?
The triangle theory emphasizes the interconnected roles of child, parent, and coach. When these relationships are healthy, the athlete thrives.
Why do kids quit sports?
Kids often quit due to stress, lack of fun, or poor relationships with adults in the sport. Pressure and unequal playing time are major factors.
What’s the number one reason kids play sports?
Fun. Studies consistently show that enjoyment and friendship—not winning—are the top reasons.
How should parents support youth athletes?
By focusing on encouragement, not pressure. Parents should let coaches coach and avoid micromanaging from the sidelines.
When should playing time become competitive?
Around age 13 is when it’s reasonable to shift toward performance-based playing time. Before that, equal participation is key to development.
Are participation trophies helpful?
Not really. Most kids know when they’ve lost, and empty rewards can feel meaningless or patronizing.
What happens when effort doesn’t equal ability?
Kids may feel disillusioned and start questioning their value. That’s a critical point where emotional support matters most.
How can coaches prevent dropout in youth sports?
By setting clear expectations and focusing on inclusion and improvement—not just winning.
What role does youth sports play in long-term health?
It builds physical habits that often carry into adulthood. Staying active young increases the chance of being active later in life.
Should less talented kids stay on the team?
Yes. If they show up, work hard, and want to be there, they deserve a place. That experience can shape lifelong habits.
How does travel sport affect youth development?
It often favors top talent and paying families, which can marginalize others. This creates inequality and emotional burnout.
What’s the coach’s main responsibility?
To create a structured, supportive environment and be clear about how the team operates—including playing time.
How can we bring back kids’ love for the game?
By shifting the focus from lifestyle and fame to the joy of playing. Kids need to see the passion, not just the paycheck.
